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Q: My two "tweens" tell me they love school with all of the activities they're involved in and seeing their friends daily. But this school year they seem to be increasingly irritable; every morning is a battle to get them both going and out the door without setting off a tantrum. Do you have any advice?

Jim: It's worth evaluating to see if your children might be caught in what researchers call the "fatigue whirlpool." That's the downward spiral of poor sleep and poor behavior that disrupts many households.

If your kids' schedules are so jam-packed that they fall into bed each night exhausted, then barely drag themselves out of bed for school the next morning, then you've got a problem. As fatigue sets in, their attitude will start to spiral. Soon you're in the whirlpool where lack of sleep and poor behavior feed off each other.

The solution is to adjust your schedules to help your children get more sleep. Experts say that kids need nine or 10 hours of sleep to be at their best. That might not be possible every night, but when they're well-rested they'll think more clearly and feel more engaged.

One of the best tactics is a "lights out" policy. Light exposure suppresses melatonin, the hormone that helps regulate sleep. So turn off the lights -- especially the screens -- and all of those illuminated gadgets in your kids' rooms. A night light or a small lamp is OK, but the darker the room, the better. When my sons were teens our household rule was to charge electronics overnight in the kitchen.

Think about routines, think about consistency, and think about timing. Those are the keys to get out of the fatigue whirlpool.

By the way: We adults are vulnerable to the same patterns. If you find yourself acting grumpy, work on getting more sleep!

Q: I've been married 18 months. My husband has been invited to take an out-of-state trip with a male friend. Is it a good idea for married couples to take separate vacations? I've always thought that those times should be spent exclusively with each other.

Dr. Greg Smalley, Vice President, Marriage & Family Formation: I'd say there are two different questions you and your husband need to answer. The first is: Does your husband want to go, and if so, why would this be a bad thing for your relationship? The uncertainty you've expressed isn't uncommon, especially for newlyweds who typically feel they've found total fulfillment in each other. But this attitude is neither realistic nor healthy. Regardless of how much they have in common or enjoy one another, both spouses need interaction with others to continue growing as individuals -- and therefore growing together.

The second question a spouse considering a separate vacation should ask is: Why do I want to? There could be many good reasons. In your husband's case, it might be to develop a deeper, encouraging relationship with his friend. In others, one spouse may have a strong desire to travel somewhere that's just not appealing to the other. As family life progresses, it could be an opportunity for mom or dad to bond one-on-one with a child.

With all that said -- separate vacations should always be an "addition," not a substitute, for time as a couple. If there are tensions and difficulties in your marriage, and the desire is actually to escape from having to deal with these issues, the time away will only amplify the problems in your relationship and lead to a greater sense of loneliness. But otherwise, a long weekend away with the girls, or camping with the guys, can be a good way to rejuvenate, grow and strengthen a healthy marriage.

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Jim Daly is a husband and father, an author, and president of Focus on the Family and host of the Focus on the Family radio program. Catch up with him at jimdalyblog.focusonthefamily.com or at Facebook.com/JimDalyFocus.

Copyright 2024 Focus On The Family. (This feature may not by reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission of Focus on the Family.)

COPYRIGHT 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.