Q.My ex and I split up six months ago and our children go back and forth between our new homes. We don’t have a formal parenting plan -- the split was amicable; we just share the kids every few days. They are 5 and 7. It seems to be working OK, but I have recently met someone new. I am afraid this will complicate things, and their mother will not return the kids when I want them. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. Unfortunately, human nature does kick in at times and triggers unpredictable responses in exes. You think, “Oh, they would never do this or that…” but jealousy or hurt kicks in and there you are wondering, “What the heck?”

The introduction of a new love interest, especially after only 6 months of living apart and getting along well, means a new person will probably come as a surprise. So you are right about being a little concerned. Hopefully, if your ex is triggered, she will not use the children to get back at you. The kids are probably confused as it is, since no one can project where they will sleep on a regular basis.

Having a formal parenting plan in place is a good idea for multiple reasons.

First, consistency. A parenting plan allows co-parents to plan their life, plus adds consistency to the children’s transition from house to house. The kids will know where they will be, and so will their friends and teachers. Consistency and staying organized will help your children adjust to the fact that they now live in two homes. If you agree, you can always adjust the parenting plan without going back to court.

Second, it will ultimately prevent arguments. There will not have to be a discussion and the need to negotiate each time there is a transition. This leaves too many things subject to whim. Therefore, when something upsetting happens, the children’s schedule still stays intact.

So, how do you break the news that you are now seeing someone else? Is it even necessary to tell your ex? Won’t the kids just say something, and you won’t have to deal with it?

The kids probably will — and that’s the problem.

If mom has no idea that you are seeing someone, when the kids come home with the news, her reaction could easily be over-the-top. Say she loses her temper, starts calling you or the new person names, and acts like it’s all wrong. Now the kids think you are doing something wrong, when meeting someone new is completely predictable.

That’s why it is best to tell your co-parent before the kids know, even if it is as insignificant as, “I’m dating other people now.” Then they can reinforce the news (hopefully) by saying something like, “Yes, honey, your dad told me last week.”

The kids now know you talk, can problem solve, and it’s OK to like the new partner--even though the thought of them actually liking someone new might make you a little queasy. It’s best for the kids when they see their parents remain cordial.

Scream into a pillow, call your therapist or your friend if you feel you need to vent. And, if you feel like celebrating, it’s best not to let the kids see that you’re too happy that your ex has moved on (lol). That’s good ex-etiquette.

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