Answer Angel: Tricky gift situation

Ellen Warren, Tribune News Service on Jan 7, 2025

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Dear Answer Angel Ellen: The recent holidays brought up an ongoing question that I thought you can help with.

I have a friend who is a generous, enthusiastic gift giver. I’ve suggested many times that we should give to a charity instead of exchanging presents that neither of us need (or, in my case, even want).

I cannot NOT reciprocate but it bothers me for us to spend money on this gift exchange when a charity contribution would be such a better solution! But she is having none of it! She will give me a gift and then I would feel bad not handing her one.

Furthermore, she always gives me a tasteful, costly blouse, sweater or other clothing item. I know she would like the same, but here’s another problem: She is sensitive about her weight and her size goes up and down. I don’t want to guess on her size, but I don’t want to hurt her feelings by gifting something too big or too small. What to do?

--Maddie N.

Dear Maddie: That’s a lot of questions. Why not a one-size-fits-all solution? Earrings, a nice makeup bag, a scarf, a pretty candle, bottle of wine, special vinegar or salad oil, subscription to a magazine that might interest her? There’s always a pretty bouquet or flower arrangement.

Assuming you’ve thought of this solution and rejected it, moving on … The size issue: Ask one of her close relatives or, if you are great friends, peek into her closet and check out the size of a garment that you've recently seen her wear. If that’s not doable but the gift has to be clothing, a one-size garment: mittens, gloves, a shawl/pashmina?

Honestly, I find all these “things” suggestions unsatisfying.

I vote for preemptively telling your friend that next year you are going to gift her with a donation to a worthwhile charity and you would like the same. A little research will come up with one you know she’ll support: animal shelter, feed the hungry, desperately needed medical help, abused kids. There’s no shortage of good causes, that’s for sure.

Dear Answer Angel Ellen: When is it appropriate for a woman to wear a hat? I’m afraid I will look silly if nobody else is wearing one -- although I love them.

--Amanda T.

Dear Amanda: You do you! I love a hat. If anyone makes a snide remark — how rude! — just say you’re emulating Princess Kate (who always looks stunning).

Angelic Readers

For Babs, who was looking for sweatpants that are warm but not sweltering, straight leg, with no elastic cuffs, readers stepped up: Nance H. writes, “ My favorite sweatpants are ‘Serious Sweats’ from Lands’ End (landsend.com). They taper toward the ankle, but no cuff, and no elastic. They have two roomy side pockets. The inside isn't fleece; it's the back side of whatever they're made from, which in this case is roughly 75% cotton, and 25% polyester (varies by color). They wash turned inside out in cool water and wear like iron.” Celia B. and Rebecca P. recommend them too. From Jan S.: “She should try Tek Gear ultra soft fleece pants from Kohl’s (kohls.com): No elastic at the ankles and they have nice pockets.” Judie R. likes Talbot’s "T by Talbots" (talbots.com). Carol J. endorses sweats from jambys.com. Anita H. buys hers at blair.com: “Love their tunic sweatshirts too cuz they come down and definitely cover my thighs. I've never had to return anything and their prices are reasonable.” Connie G. and Valerie M. shop blair.com too. Garylee C. likes Jerzees Nu Blend sweats (amazon.com).

From Sue: “I bought a pair of Bobbie Brooks sweats at a Dollar General a few months ago that are a medium weight with straight leg that I'm very happy with. And they were about $10.” Jerry S. says, “Try wearing long johns under your lightweight sweats. Added bonus: You can leave off the long johns if the temperature rises.” From Sue S.: “Amen to both you and Babs about your desire for comfortable and warm straight-leg pants... I HATE that women's pants are all about fashion and not comfort. My solution years ago was to shop in the men's smaller sized clothing lines. Voila! Easy peasy and affordable too! The ones I most commonly buy are from Nike, but there are lots of choices!”