BALTIMORE — The 58-year-old woman couldn’t bear to share the details of the sexual abuse she suffered as a child, but its effect on her came across loud and clear Monday in a Baltimore courtroom as she faced the leader of the Archdiocese of Baltimore.

“Do you see me now?” she cried toward Archbishop William Lori, who was seated across the courtroom from her. “Do I matter to you now? I suffer from PTSD, from anxiety, from depression and panic attacks. I’m on disability. It will take me days to recover from talking today. I hope you’ve heard my truth and feel the pain I’ve struggled with.”

Her testimony as one of eight abuse survivors to speak Monday in the archdiocese’s bankruptcy case contributed to a chilling picture of children being tormented by Catholic clergy and a vivid portrait of the lives altered permanently by their experiences.

Victims recounted being abused in schools, in church rectories and at priests’ homes. Many remembered feeling confused about what happened to them and being told by their abusers — people they looked up to — to keep it to themselves. Survivors said the abuse led them to develop substance disorders, to lose their faith and ability to trust, to live in isolation.

Monday’s was the second such hearing in the archdiocese’s case. U.S. Bankruptcy Judge Michelle M. Harner allowed the testimony, unusual in money-oriented bankruptcy cases, to bolster survivor participation and trust in the process. She booked the hearings at the request of a committee of survivors representing all victims in the case, and with the support of the church.

Although, unlike others, the 58-year-old woman shared few details of her abuse, she was graphic about how the scars it left on her destroyed her ability to tell right from wrong and led to a life of “horrible decisions,” promiscuity, substance abuse, eating disorders, persistent nightmares and abusive relationships.

At one point, she noted that she was directing her comments to the archdiocese because she was “angry,” particularly because the church did little when she came forward to report what she’d been through after her abuser was exposed.

“I’m sorry,” she said at one point, beginning to sob. “No, I’m not. I’m not sorry!”

A somber Lori maintained eye contact with her throughout her testimony, though he gave no spoken response, and said after court that as difficult as it was to hear, doing so is part of what he hopes is a healing process.

“I’ve met many, many times as a bishop with victim survivors — and some of those meetings have been like that,” he told The Baltimore Sun. “And when people share their raw emotions with me, it certainly brings home to me the horror of abuse.”

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