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DEAR HARRIETTE: There is an ongoing issue in my relationship that involves a recurring conflict over holiday traditions. My boyfriend is passionate about us celebrating every holiday with his extended family, which often means missing out on traditions that are important to me. For instance, last Christmas, while he was busy with his family's big holiday feast, I missed our annual tradition of baking gingerbread cookies with my nieces and nephews. He always RSVPs for both of us without consulting me, so it leaves me no choice.

I've tried to find compromises, like suggesting we alternate holidays or have a smaller celebration with my family, but he's adamant about sticking to his family's customs. I don't want to seem like I'm being difficult, but I also don't want to feel like I'm constantly sacrificing my own traditions. How can I shake this feeling that I'm losing out every time? -- Missing Holiday Harmony

DEAR MISSING HOLIDAY HARMONY: It's time for you to put your foot down. You do not have to honor a commitment that was made without your consent. That's his mess to untangle, not yours. Gently inform your boyfriend that you will not be able to attend every one of his family's activities. Choose the ones of yours that you will recommit to attending, like baking cookies. Make it clear that you need to spend time with your family on special occasions, too. This is not a criticism of his family. It is an affirmation of yours.

It will be interesting to see how he responds to your change in attitude and behavior. In order for a relationship to grow, the two of you have to be willing to compromise and support each other. If he is unwilling to do that, you may find yourselves drifting apart.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I'm struggling with the pressure of maintaining a vibrant social life while dealing with chronic fatigue. I used to be the first to RSVP to gatherings. I was the life of the party -- always looking forward to weekends full of laughter and shared stories. Just a few months ago, I remember a friend's birthday bash where I was eagerly participating in games and dancing until late. Now, it feels like I'm constantly running on empty, and simple tasks like getting ready for an evening out can feel overwhelmingly exhausting. Last week, I had to cancel on attending a friend's birthday party -- a celebration I had been looking forward to for weeks -- because I was simply too drained. I hate the feeling of letting my friends down and missing out on special moments. I'm at a loss about how to manage my social commitments without feeling like I'm falling short. -- Fatigued but Social

DEAR FATIGUED BUT SOCIAL: It sounds like you need to go to the doctor and have a complete physical. Make sure that there is no underlying health issue that you are fighting without realizing it. It could be that you simply need more rest and must learn to balance your time so that you are not pushing without replenishing yourself -- but you need to find out.

Take a look at your social calendar. How many nights in a week do you typically go out? How often do you schedule in rest? What do you eat? How do you take care of yourself? It is time to reset and prioritize your health. This may mean that you stop agreeing to do everything. Be more selective. You don't have to attend every event to demonstrate that you love your friends.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024, Harriette Cole

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