ArcaMax

DEAR HARRIETTE: Am I unreasonable for expecting my daughter to take her dog with her after she graduates from college? When my daughter was in fifth grade, she really wanted a dog. I wasn't particularly keen on the idea, but she was persistent. She promised to take care of him, and I gave in. We got a Pomeranian, and he's been with us ever since. He's about 12 years old now and could live for another five years or more. Caring for him has been a lot of work, and as time has passed, I've found it increasingly difficult to keep up with his needs. I was looking forward to my daughter taking over his care once she graduated from college. However, she has recently told me that she doesn't want to take him with her to San Francisco. Her reasons are understandable: She'll be working around 70 hours a week and living in a small apartment without the large yard he's used to here in Wisconsin. She worries that she won't have the time or the space to give him the quality of life he's accustomed to. While I understand her concerns, I feel frustrated. -- Long-Term Doggy Care

DEAR LONG-TERM DOGGY CARE: Sadly, you are stuck with this dog. In a way, you knew that when you agreed to get him years ago. It may seem unfair, but you accepted responsibility for this animal the moment it entered your house. It would be an unkindness to the dog if you were to send him off to live in the cramped, lonely conditions he would have to endure in San Francisco.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend recently took me on a trip to California, and I was under the impression that he was covering the expenses. He planned the entire trip, booked the flights, made the accommodations and even organized our daily activities. At no point during the planning or the trip itself did he mention that I would need to reimburse him for any of the costs. We had a fantastic time exploring California together, visiting various attractions, dining at nice restaurants and staying in comfortable hotels.

I truly appreciated the effort he put into making the trip special, and I was grateful for what I believed was his generous gesture. However, upon our return, I was completely blindsided when he sent me a $2,000 Venmo request. The request included charges for food, accommodations, flights and everything else he had paid for during the trip. I was shocked and confused, as this was the first time he mentioned that I would need to pay him back for any of it. Is it reasonable for me to feel upset about this, and what can I do to avoid such misunderstandings in the future? -- Unclear Expectations

DEAR UNCLEAR EXPECTATIONS: Right now, you need to talk to your boyfriend about this $2,000 request. Tell him you assumed he was paying for the vacation as he never consulted with you about what you were going to do or how much anything cost. You realize that the two of you should have talked about the trip in detail, especially the cost of it, but you did not. Tell him you are unprepared to pay that much money, even as you do think it's reasonable that you should contribute something to the cost of the trip. Agree on an amount that you can pay. In the future, talk through everything in advance, including who will be paying, so that you go into the situation with your eyes wide open.

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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024, Harriette Cole

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