Woman Questions Attending Ex's Graduation
DEAR HARRIETTE: My ex-boyfriend is graduating, and I wonder if I should go to the ceremony to congratulate him. "Rem" and I were in a relationship from high school until the end of freshman year in college. We made a pact to attend each other's college graduations wearing our favorite color, blue, with me in a dress and him in a tie.
Rem and I went to different colleges, and we drifted apart due to the distance. Eventually, we had a bad breakup. He tried to pursue me for six months, constantly messaging to get back together, and I ended up having to block him on social media. We have had no contact since.
Unlike Rem, whose family supports him financially, I had to stop attending college to fend for myself. I know he is graduating because we have a mutual friend on Facebook, and I also know he has a new girlfriend. I am in a healthy relationship right now, and I am planning to re-enroll in school next year. I'm wondering if I should go to his graduation ceremony and keep the promise we made or ignore it. I don't want to appear as an obsessive ex or make his new girlfriend uncomfortable. On the other hand, he was a big part of my younger years, and I would like to congratulate him on his success. -- No Bad Intentions
DEAR NO BAD INTENTIONS: If you have a way of reaching out to your ex, contact him. Congratulate him on his upcoming graduation and ask him how he's doing. Allow him to introduce whether he wants you to attend or do anything you had agreed on many years ago. Reaching out may be all he needs to feel honored on his special day. Do not show up unannounced, though. That could cause unnecessary conflict.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a local pastry shop as one of the cashiers, and I have discovered that someone is stealing. The missing money is being recorded as "pastries not sold." Although this hasn't affected the wages of other workers, it has created additional work for our manager, I'm unsure whether to report the theft or turn a blind eye. The person I witnessed stealing is one of our new crew, a single mother with four young children. I feel a lot of pity for her situation. Despite this, I can't decide between doing what is right and addressing the theft or choosing not to report it due to my sympathy for her. I would appreciate your perspective on whether I should report this issue or handle it differently. -- Ethical Choice
DEAR ETHICAL CHOICE: Speak to the new employee privately. Tell her that you observed her stealing and wanted to let her know. Tell her you are obligated to report it if she does it again. Ask her if she is OK, if she needs support and how you might be able to support her. In this way, she will know that you care, but also that theft is not tolerated. If she does it again, you need to report it.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2024, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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