ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I don't know what to do about my boyfriend's habit of always canceling plans.

We have been together for a little over three years, and when he does follow through with plans, we have a great time together. The relationship is great otherwise. I have discussed this with him several times, but nothing seems to change.

There are periods of time when he won't cancel, but then he starts doing it again. I don't want to leave him, but I also can't put up with his canceling.

GENTLE READER: If the pattern starts up again, Miss Manners suggests you issue a gentle ultimatum: "You seem to be too busy to see me right now. Please let me know when your schedule eases up and you won't be compelled to change plans at the last minute. In the meantime, I will assume that you are not available."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Throughout our 54 years together, my husband and I have lived in, and traveled to, many countries, both for pleasure and business. Now, in our dotage, we enjoy cruising because it combines our love of traveling and boats.

When we happened to mention an upcoming cruise to some acquaintances, they unexpectedly purchased tickets for the same cruise. It happened to be a 10-week trip, and we spent the entire 10 weeks trying to dodge them.

We were not successful. They insisted that we dine together, and thus began 10 weeks of their special requests. For example, our waiter spent at least 30 minutes going over the dinner menu, describing exactly what each item was (e.g., sweetbreads) and whether it contained gluten, dairy, etc.

My husband and I have no dietary restrictions, but by the end of the trip, we were being served gluten-free and dairy-free foods just because of our dining companions. Worse, they ignored all the dress codes and were apt to use quite salty language.

Now, they want to cruise with us everywhere. They just found out about an upcoming cruise we are taking, and are actively pursuing tickets. How do we politely and firmly discourage this?

GENTLE READER: "My husband and I are looking forward to traveling alone this time. But we will be sure to let you know if we go on a group cruise in the future." And then, Miss Manners suggests you keep a tight lid on your plans.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response when an atheist sneezes, instead of "God bless you"? What about people you don't know? I had a lady give me a hard time when she sneezed and I didn't say "bless you."

GENTLE READER: You could try saying "gesundheit," but then by your logic, someone might think you were German.

Miss Manners suggests that you try to be less literal about an admittedly nonsensical convention. And if you leave out the God part, consider that no one said it has to be his blessing -- only a considerate human's.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2024 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN