ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children.

The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.

On Christmas Day, she...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era where it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card and gift were mailed.

Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.

My adult daughter just attended the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.

While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I've ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 21 years old, and I have worked in assorted venues of customer service since I was 17. I am currently employed at a bank, and frequently a customer will ask a question to which I do not know the answer.

This requires me to leave the service area and ask my supervisor. Is it proper to say to my supervisor, "This lady (or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was watching a soap opera and one of the characters, a very proper lady, answered her granddaughter's question with food in her mouth. She did tuck the food into her cheek, and kept her mouth as closed as possible.

I actually find that acceptable -- more so than making her granddaughter wait for a response while she chewed ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an older home with just one bathroom. I make sure that all personal products are off the counter when we have guests, but we've still had people snoop in the medicine cabinet and in the cupboard under the sink.

My teenaged nephew once commented loudly about finding laxatives in the medicine cabinet. Another time, he ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to deal with those relatives who constantly tease you, make fun of you and remind you of the stupid, mean things you did when you were young?

Naturally enough, I avoid these relatives whenever possible. But there are inevitably two or three occasions every year when I am in their presence.

I have tried ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a long train journey to work each day, and I always gravitate towards the "quiet carriage." But invariably, there are some passengers who believe the rules have no application to them.

They believe that they, for no blindingly obvious reason, sit above and outside the rules. They carry on loud, pointless conversations ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When people I haven't seen for a while ask about my daughter, I of course tell them that he is now a man.

I've been asked what surgeries he has had, and several people have even asked me if he has a penis! I was so surprised the first time this happened that I was ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I like to entertain, and we have the means to do so regularly. We often invite neighbors over, but we omit one specific neighbor (whom we see regularly) because he is very vocal about his political opinions. We try our best to keep our social events lighthearted and fun.

I feel bad that we haven't invited this ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I (all of us in our 40s and 50s) have had a strained relationship over the past few years, for various reasons. Last year, my youngest sister told us all via email that she would still make an effort to come to family gatherings, but that we would not see her son or her husband.

Shortly after that, she asked ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law just informed us, very last-minute, that he's coming to our house for Christmas. Whenever he visits, he sleeps until around 10.

My husband and I have three children, ages 8, 3 and 8 months. Should we have the children wait to open gifts until their uncle is awake, talk to him about waking earlier since it is...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering if you can suggest the proper way to deal with "present snoopers."

I caught my wife red-handed holding a Christmas gift I had purchased for her. I had specifically told her where it was hidden so she would not happen by it accidentally, but apparently I misplaced my trust in her.

I did not think I was out of ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up to always be polite to others, but as I reach 50, it seems that society cares less about this.

Sometimes even ordering a coffee is fraught with potential misunderstanding. Common decency is misinterpreted as "hitting on" someone, when all I'm doing is trying to be nice. Sometimes I feel like just being abrupt...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my in-laws will wait for a person to finish speaking, then say something on a completely different subject. No "hmmm," "interesting" or any other noncommittal word to acknowledge what the other person was talking about.

If someone mentions an upcoming job interview, for example, he will talk about an unrelated story in...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I visited my family with my newborn son, they could not stop talking about how handsome he was -- and how much cuter he was compared to his sister (my first child, who is 3 years old).

On that afternoon alone, I must have heard the words, "He looks much better than his sister" at least 15 times from my mom and my sisters...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to frequent a coffee shop in the suburbs, where I would work on my laptop for a couple of hours before catching a train to the city. One day, as I was working, a man asked me to keep an eye on his laptop while he took a phone call outside.

I agreed, as my train would not depart for another 30 minutes and I assumed the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past four years, my wife and I have hosted a New Year's Eve family party at our home. Adults occupy the upstairs, and children (roughly ages 8-13) enjoy themselves in the basement, with frequent parental supervision.

The party now attracts nearly 100 adults and children. Everyone tells us they have a great time and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last two years, I have been making incremental changes to lead a more eco-friendly lifestyle. Is it rude to give eco-friendly or reusable products to family and friends?

For example, my sister started a new job and I would like to give her a set of reusable utensils to eat her lunch with, rather than relying on her ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I dislike being in posed photos, particularly now that everything ends up posted online. Friends won't let me off the hook. "Oh, come on!" they repeat, every time I say "no thanks."

Of course I participate during special occasions, such as family photos at my nephew's wedding. But on casual occasions, how do I excuse myself ...Read more