ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We threw a small potluck birthday lunch in the break room for one of our co-workers. About four of us contributed; we all work directly with her and know her the best.

We put the leftovers in the fridge, and later in the day, a co-worker who hadn't been at the party helped himself to them.

I'd mentioned that we were each ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If we renewed the lovely fashion of wearing gloves, people wouldn't have to fear catching germs from shaking hands or appearing rude for refusing.

GENTLE READER: Why didn't Miss Manners think of that?

Not only would it solve the problems you mention, but it would allow her to wallow in a treasure trove of forgotten customs. ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sometimes people enthusiastically tell me something they think I don't know, particularly about my areas of expertise. Saying "I already knew that" sounds condescending. Pretending I didn't know, and saying something like "That's interesting," seems passive-aggressive.

I have been accused of competing in the first case and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in my office when I got an urge to go to the bathroom. I hate to do this at work, because I work in a converted townhouse where the bathrooms are just one toilet and one sink, like in a house. But I had no choice.

I was sitting in there when I heard my boss outside the door: "Kaitlin, are you in there?"

"Yes. Why do ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few old friends scattered around the country who will only talk on the phone if they're actively doing something else. This leads to a variety of acoustic challenges: wind or traffic noise, transactions with shopkeepers, dishes banging, etc.

One of my oldest friends even says, when I call, "Wait, I'll put on my ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I ran into an unexpected soup situation.

My sister flew cross-country to visit my mom and me, and my mom spent hours making a delicious soup so my sister would have a hot meal ready when she arrived. My mom is a great cook.

Unfortunately, as we all sat down to eat, we noticed that a small brush, used for cleaning bottle ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The office where I work has about 20 people, half working in person and half remote. A young woman early in her career, who works remotely and is on several of the regular video calls I attend each week, is friendly and goes out of her way to say nice things to people. She is always the first to notice a new haircut or pair of...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do people say "How do you do?" anymore when being introduced to someone? The phrase seems to have faded away.

If it is no longer used, what should I say when being introduced to someone new?

GENTLE READER: You are right about this convention's having fallen into disuse.

It tended to confuse people because it seemed to be a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do people, especially celebrities, feel the need to post their intimate details for all to read?

One female celeb posted about her partner's performance in bed and how good he was at it. Another posted about how bad her ex was. Does the public need to know this information?

Those who post continuously don't understand ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had an art show last summer, the week before my birthday. An old friend stopped by and purchased a very nice glass platter (over $150) for her daughter.

As she was paying for it, she told me that this sale was my birthday gift. I smiled and said "thank you." I didn't really know how to react.

Then at Christmas, as I opened...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a university professor and a woman in her early 30s. I was attending a talk and arrived late. The only place to sit was a small couch, big enough to seat two (or perhaps three, but it would be a tight fit).

A male graduate student arrived a few minutes later. He sat down and stretched out on the couch, putting an arm on ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We love our neighbors, but an increasing number of them -- parents, children or both -- are appearing at our front door to sell products for fundraising purposes. We are asked to buy cookies for the Girl Scouts, popcorn for the school team, pizza for the PTA, and so on.

The money goes to good causes, and the parents are ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the event manager at a very sexy and trendy nightclub. We host fun parties every week.

We have a regular guest who is absolutely smitten with me, but he is not my type. I feel obligated to cordially socialize with him whenever I see him, due to the customer service standards at my job.

When it comes to relationships, I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been married to the same man for 40 years. He has recently decided that opening doors for me, serving me first at dinner, and other forms of respect and thoughtfulness are "sexist."

I fix dinner for him daily, do his laundry, etc. -- all of the things that a "traditional wife" does. I recently retired from a great ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love scrapbooking and physical photo albums, and I have several proudly displayed on a shelf in my living room. We love to entertain, and while guests usually see the albums on the shelf, they rarely ask about them and almost never pull them down to look through!

The albums contain photos of family and friends through the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the president of a social club that organizes activities for the LGBTQ community and allies. Our club is part of a regional association of similar social clubs that are not geared towards the LGBTQ community.

Several times a year, the regional association has a social event for all of the regional clubs. Generally, ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sharing stories, anecdotes or facts in conversation, I usually cite my source. For example, I might say, "I recently read an op-ed in (newspaper) by (author) where they said ..."

But in my attempt to give credit where credit is due, I feel that I'm coming off as elitist and/or condescending. What is your opinion on when ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for an organization that provides services for homeless people. We provide items such as clothes, winter coats, shoes, infant formula, diapers and personal hygiene kits -- and also help with transportation (such as bus passes) and assistance with getting an apartment. Once someone is housed, we provide "startup ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a communication issue with my nieces and nephews, who are about to be college-age. They are my brother-in-law's kids. Their grandmother (my partner's mother) feeds them an inventory of our possessions, encouraging them to ask us for these items.

She has suggested that the nieces and nephews beg for my jewelry and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I enjoy socializing with a group of women in my community. There is a group text for 14 of us who often get together for social events.

Recently, a few of the ladies discussed how much fun they had had boating, and it was obvious half the group hadn't been invited. This isn't the first time this has happened.

I think they ...Read more