ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a long train journey to work each day, and I always gravitate towards the "quiet carriage." But invariably, there are some passengers who believe the rules have no application to them.

They believe that they, for no blindingly obvious reason, sit above and outside the rules. They carry on loud, pointless conversations ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When people I haven't seen for a while ask about my daughter, I of course tell them that he is now a man.

I've been asked what surgeries he has had, and several people have even asked me if he has a penis! I was so surprised the first time this happened that I was ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I like to entertain, and we have the means to do so regularly. We often invite neighbors over, but we omit one specific neighbor (whom we see regularly) because he is very vocal about his political opinions. We try our best to keep our social events lighthearted and fun.

I feel bad that we haven't invited this ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I (all of us in our 40s and 50s) have had a strained relationship over the past few years, for various reasons. Last year, my youngest sister told us all via email that she would still make an effort to come to family gatherings, but that we would not see her son or her husband.

Shortly after that, she asked ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law just informed us, very last-minute, that he's coming to our house for Christmas. Whenever he visits, he sleeps until around 10.

My husband and I have three children, ages 8, 3 and 8 months. Should we have the children wait to open gifts until their uncle is awake, talk to him about waking earlier since it is...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was wondering if you can suggest the proper way to deal with "present snoopers."

I caught my wife red-handed holding a Christmas gift I had purchased for her. I had specifically told her where it was hidden so she would not happen by it accidentally, but apparently I misplaced my trust in her.

I did not think I was out of ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was brought up to always be polite to others, but as I reach 50, it seems that society cares less about this.

Sometimes even ordering a coffee is fraught with potential misunderstanding. Common decency is misinterpreted as "hitting on" someone, when all I'm doing is trying to be nice. Sometimes I feel like just being abrupt...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my in-laws will wait for a person to finish speaking, then say something on a completely different subject. No "hmmm," "interesting" or any other noncommittal word to acknowledge what the other person was talking about.

If someone mentions an upcoming job interview, for example, he will talk about an unrelated story in...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I visited my family with my newborn son, they could not stop talking about how handsome he was -- and how much cuter he was compared to his sister (my first child, who is 3 years old).

On that afternoon alone, I must have heard the words, "He looks much better than his sister" at least 15 times from my mom and my sisters...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to frequent a coffee shop in the suburbs, where I would work on my laptop for a couple of hours before catching a train to the city. One day, as I was working, a man asked me to keep an eye on his laptop while he took a phone call outside.

I agreed, as my train would not depart for another 30 minutes and I assumed the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past four years, my wife and I have hosted a New Year's Eve family party at our home. Adults occupy the upstairs, and children (roughly ages 8-13) enjoy themselves in the basement, with frequent parental supervision.

The party now attracts nearly 100 adults and children. Everyone tells us they have a great time and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the last two years, I have been making incremental changes to lead a more eco-friendly lifestyle. Is it rude to give eco-friendly or reusable products to family and friends?

For example, my sister started a new job and I would like to give her a set of reusable utensils to eat her lunch with, rather than relying on her ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I dislike being in posed photos, particularly now that everything ends up posted online. Friends won't let me off the hook. "Oh, come on!" they repeat, every time I say "no thanks."

Of course I participate during special occasions, such as family photos at my nephew's wedding. But on casual occasions, how do I excuse myself ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A while ago, I went through a traumatic experience in my life and was very depressed. I read online about a celebrity who was going through the same experience. Through different social media channels, I began communicating with this person.

We became quick friends and spoke often. I really enjoyed talking with him and looked...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just started a new job, and a group text chat was created for us to communicate about our shift availability. However, employees have begun using this chat for small talk.

I can't simply mute it, because I might miss important work information. They're all wonderful people, but I don't want my phone blowing up! How do I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a dinner party, the hostess had set a lovely table with flowers and candles. I complimented her on the setting.

Later, as dinner started, I found the flowers blocking my view of the guest across from me, preventing any potential conversation. I was interested in talking with this guest, so I asked the hostess if we could ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When sitting in an airline seat, you need not ask permission of the person behind you to recline your seat. Once permission to move is granted by the captain, you can recline, if your chair has the ability to do so.

On what planet would you ask someone else (as you have suggested) if you can adjust the seat that you paid to ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For several years, my wife and I have hosted a large, somewhat elaborate holiday open house, complete with a lot of homemade dishes, champagne, activities and accommodations for children. We've often had more than 50 people attend.

It is expensive, and more than a little work, but we enjoy the result. We consider it a gift to...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I went on a short vacation to a city where an old friend of mine lives. I called her months ago, asking to stay with her and her partner for one night, but she said she didn't have room.

I have known this woman for 45 years and have stayed with her at least 20 times in the past. Still, not a problem -- we ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have been invited to the wedding of a very good friend's son. When I went online to RSVP, it said, "Attire: evening cocktail -- slacks, cocktail dresses, jackets, etc."

We never wear that kind of clothing, even to funerals. We always look nice, though! We don't want to spend money on clothing that we will never wear again,...Read more