ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lifelong nonsmoker and naturally do not permit anyone to light up in my home or in my car. No exceptions. But when I'm a passenger in a vehicle driven by a friend who smokes, they will inevitably light up without asking if it's OK.

They'll crack their window and blow the smoke out through the crack. Even so, the wisp ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am currently staying with a family friend and her husband for a few days while visiting my hometown. The husband clearly isn't happy with me staying here, so I have not interacted with him much.

On my second day here, the husband asked for a divorce. Now I can hear them fighting, and the tension is insane.

How do I ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dog is a great conversation starter. Strangers who stop to admire him will often share a story or two about their own pets, or their own memories of dogs they've known.

As much as I enjoy this, I've noticed that these strangers will often -- with no prompting from me and with no obvious conversational cues leading toward ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last summer, I attended a barbecue with my husband's co-workers and their families. I was introduced to a co-worker's wife, who was wearing a T-shirt commemorating her close relative's untimely death a year prior. My husband had told me what happened at the time, and how devastating it was to her and the rest of the family.

I...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I are friends with a couple, one of whom is in a band. This band put on a show at a local restaurant, and we went to show support.

We arrived prior to the start of the show, around 7:30, and enjoyed the music, applauding loudly and singing along to the songs we knew. However, as it got later and later, around 11...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: This time of year, it often rains in the afternoon, and so I carry an umbrella with me. However, many people do not.

On occasion, it will start raining when I am in a crowd -- at the ballpark, for example, or waiting for the light to change on a crowded sidewalk. If I open my umbrella, then the rain that hits it falls onto ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately it has seemed that the phrases "We're pregnant" and "They're pregnant" have been subsumed into acceptable usage.

Although I'm not a doctor, last time I checked, only women get pregnant. There is no biological reality where a woman and her partner are both pregnant with the same baby. Hence, "My partner is pregnant" or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited by a friend who works in our state's governor's office to attend a college football game in the university president's box. This is a nationally recognized university, but not an Ivy League school.

At the game, the president asked me what college I had attended, then gave me a condescending stare when I named ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a longtime friend, and now neighbor, who cannot consume food orally due to extensive cancer surgeries and treatments years ago. They can consume very limited quantities of liquids, but they use a tube-feeding process for all nutrition, and have done so for years.

We will soon host a formal, seated dinner party for a ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I travel frequently, and I have noticed that airports are reducing the number of seats at the gates. I will arrive at the gate more than an hour before boarding, only to find all the seats already taken -- except for the three holding someone's coats and pillows, or the one next to a couple with their luggage on it.

If I ask,...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I kindly tell my sister that her son's texts to the family are annoying?

He's 14, and his texts and phone etiquette leave us scratching our heads. He doesn't "read the room," often sending gifs and memes more appropriate for his friends than a family chat that includes his mom, aunts and grandparents. Or he will call ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a member of several organizations. Frequently I've sent updates or comments to the leaders of these groups, who then forward my email to everyone with their reply.

Do I need to put a "for your eyes only" disclaimer on each email? That seems a bit stiff, but my emails aren't necessarily for publication!

GENTLE READER: ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the janitor at a truck stop. What is the best way for me (a man) to announce myself when entering the women's restroom to clean it?

I start with calling out, "Hello. Janitor. Is anyone in here?" but it just doesn't sound right. Some ladies say nothing in response, and if I didn't look under all the stall doors, I would ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting married, for the third time, later this year. In between her marriages, she has had lengthy relationships with other men.

I'm OK with all of that, except for one thing: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it's her first. She is planning on wearing a traditional white...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children.

The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.

On Christmas Day, she...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era where it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card and gift were mailed.

Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.

My adult daughter just attended the ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.

While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I've ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 21 years old, and I have worked in assorted venues of customer service since I was 17. I am currently employed at a bank, and frequently a customer will ask a question to which I do not know the answer.

This requires me to leave the service area and ask my supervisor. Is it proper to say to my supervisor, "This lady (or ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was watching a soap opera and one of the characters, a very proper lady, answered her granddaughter's question with food in her mouth. She did tuck the food into her cheek, and kept her mouth as closed as possible.

I actually find that acceptable -- more so than making her granddaughter wait for a response while she chewed ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an older home with just one bathroom. I make sure that all personal products are off the counter when we have guests, but we've still had people snoop in the medicine cabinet and in the cupboard under the sink.

My teenaged nephew once commented loudly about finding laxatives in the medicine cabinet. Another time, he ...Read more