New Parents Probably Just Tired, Not Upset
DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few days after I got my brand-new, light-colored couch, I had friends over with their new baby. When the dad started changing the baby's diaper directly on my new couch, I quickly offered to put a blanket down.
He glared at me like I'd insulted him, and they left soon after. Was I wrong to offer?
GENTLE READER: New parents are told that their baby is upset for one of a very limited number of reasons. The menu for the new parents themselves may be slightly longer, but no good comes of your guessing the father's look was meant to convey that you insulted their baby by reasonably offering a blanket.
Miss Manners prefers to think the parents were tired or needed to get home for baby's bedtime, and are looking forward to their next visit.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm writing this on the 22nd of the month. My birthday was the 9th. My auntie and mum had lunch on the 19th, and auntie gave my mum a birthday card to pass along to me (with a gift card inside to my favorite bakery).
I am going to visit my auntie in two days, and I intend to bring a handwritten thank-you card with me to give to her in person.
My mum just called and said I should call my auntie on my lunch break to thank her for the gift, as she hadn't heard from me and was upset. I informed her I am delivering a thank-you note in two days. My mum said I should do both, as she was very excited for me to receive the gift and was upset she hadn't heard from me.
Miss Manners, am I in the wrong? My auntie didn't mail the card to me directly or arrange a time for us to visit and deliver it to me in person. She had my mum act as a go-between to deliver my birthday gift, well after my birthday. None of this upset me until I learned she was upset that I hadn't expressed my thanks immediately upon receiving the gift.
I am an avid thank-you note writer, and have been since I was a child.
GENTLE READER: So instead of calling your aunt on your lunch break, you wrote a letter to Miss Manners?
Miss Manners is not objecting; she is just trying to keep track of it all. She realizes that this will reach you after the events discussed. But she is getting more such questions about commenting on thank-you letters while they are in transit, so she will answer anyway -- and not pay much attention to matters of tense.
One present is given. One thank-you is sent. And one thank-you is received. You do not have to send one thank-you by every technology now in existence or hereinafter invented. And you do not need to take cognizance of people who tell you that other people are unreasonably upset -- except, perhaps, to make a little extra fuss over them when you see them at lunch.
========
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2024 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN
Comments