'officer, I'd Like To Report A Cart-Napping'
In situations where it is not easy to discern which form may be appropriate (or whether either would be welcome), I find myself simply saying, "Yes" or "Thank you." This doesn't feel polite, but I don't want to address someone in an unwelcome way.
Does Miss Manners have a non-gender-specific form of address that shows respect without the risk of causing offense?
GENTLE READER: Didn't there used to be an expression, "Sir or Madam, as the case may be"? How about reviving it, or coming up with something similar?
Maybe not. As long as you keep "please" and "thank you," Miss Manners will let you skip the titles in cases of doubt.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sweet husband has severe foot issues and absolutely cannot walk without his custom orthotics inserted into his shoes. Every once in a while, we are invited to friends' houses who ask that shoes not be worn inside.
My husband cannot accommodate this request. Do we decline these invitations? Do we call first and explain our situation? Perhaps you have another suggestion.
GENTLE READER: Unless your hosts have a baby who licks the floor, in which case they should be dealing with that problem, Miss Manners believes they should be able to accommodate this reasonable request.
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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2024 Judith Martin
COPYRIGHT 2024 JUDITH MARTIN
