Break Room Conversation Shouldn't Be This Stressful

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin on Apr 25, 2024

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During a casual conversation with a co-worker in the break room, another colleague entered in a hurry. We often share friendly banter about a sports team, and a significant event had occurred with the team the night before.

Wanting to make a quick comment to the second co-worker, I excused myself from the first. However, what I thought would be a brief exchange turned into a longer conversation about sports and unrelated work matters, inadvertently leaving the first co-worker out of the conversation.

I did return to them after my conversation ended, offering a sincere apology, which they graciously accepted. I certainly could have chosen not to interrupt my initial conversation in the first place, but was there anything else I could have done to be less rude in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but let Miss Manners know when she has your attention.

It appears that you were the initiator at every stage, so there were plenty of options. You could, as you said, have continued the first conversation. You could have limited the second conversation, as initially intended. When the second conversation ran long, you could have apologized and ended it. You could have ended both conversations and started a third.

Or, now, here's a thought: You could have apologized to everyone and gone back to work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Have manners changed as to when someone can begin eating their meal? I grew up in a household that believed no one starts eating until everyone is served. My daughter-in-law thinks that if you are served a hot meal, you are allowed to begin eating it right away.

GENTLE READER: What one believes and what is proper are not always the same. The rule has not changed, but Miss Manners trusts that you will teach this to your daughter-in-law with your behavior, not by rudely correcting her manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I invite my mother to join my family for lunch every Saturday. Occasionally, I will invite other guests as well. One weekend, I had invited another family: four people whom my mother had met a few times before.

When my mother arrived, I said to the family, "Emily and George, Jane and David, you remember my mom. Mom, you remember Emily and George, Jane and David."

To this, my mother said she remembered, and wasn't "losing it" yet.

Is there a better way to remind people of names, in case they've forgotten? Or is it my mistake in thinking one may have forgotten? Should I assume guests recall each others' names and leave it up to them?

GENTLE READER: What would be a better way of reminding people of names? Substituting the wrong ones to see if anyone notices?

Miss Manners suggests you tell your mother you were not implying that she was becoming forgetful -- privately in the kitchen, the first time she suggests you were, but in front of the guests if she does it again.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)