Life Advice
/Health
Raindrops Keep Fallin' On Other People's Heads
DEAR MISS MANNERS: This time of year, it often rains in the afternoon, and so I carry an umbrella with me. However, many people do not.
On occasion, it will start raining when I am in a crowd -- at the ballpark, for example, or waiting for the light to change on a crowded sidewalk. If I open my umbrella, then the rain that hits it falls onto ...Read more
Live And Let Live -- Even The 'we're Pregnant!' People
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately it has seemed that the phrases "We're pregnant" and "They're pregnant" have been subsumed into acceptable usage.
Although I'm not a doctor, last time I checked, only women get pregnant. There is no biological reality where a woman and her partner are both pregnant with the same baby. Hence, "My partner is pregnant" or ...Read more
Snobbery A Bad Look For University President
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited by a friend who works in our state's governor's office to attend a college football game in the university president's box. This is a nationally recognized university, but not an Ivy League school.
At the game, the president asked me what college I had attended, then gave me a condescending stare when I named ...Read more
Wondering What They'd Prefer? Just Ask
DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a longtime friend, and now neighbor, who cannot consume food orally due to extensive cancer surgeries and treatments years ago. They can consume very limited quantities of liquids, but they use a tube-feeding process for all nutrition, and have done so for years.
We will soon host a formal, seated dinner party for a ...Read more
'sorry, My Pillow Needs This Seat'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I travel frequently, and I have noticed that airports are reducing the number of seats at the gates. I will arrive at the gate more than an hour before boarding, only to find all the seats already taken -- except for the three holding someone's coats and pillows, or the one next to a couple with their luggage on it.
If I ask,...Read more
Help! My Teen Nephew Wants To, Like, Talk To Me
DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I kindly tell my sister that her son's texts to the family are annoying?
He's 14, and his texts and phone etiquette leave us scratching our heads. He doesn't "read the room," often sending gifs and memes more appropriate for his friends than a family chat that includes his mom, aunts and grandparents. Or he will call ...Read more
Email 101: Assume Everything Will Be Forwarded
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a member of several organizations. Frequently I've sent updates or comments to the leaders of these groups, who then forward my email to everyone with their reply.
Do I need to put a "for your eyes only" disclaimer on each email? That seems a bit stiff, but my emails aren't necessarily for publication!
GENTLE READER: ...Read more
Alternative To Hollering 'housekeeping!'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the janitor at a truck stop. What is the best way for me (a man) to announce myself when entering the women's restroom to clean it?
I start with calling out, "Hello. Janitor. Is anyone in here?" but it just doesn't sound right. Some ladies say nothing in response, and if I didn't look under all the stall doors, I would ...Read more
Get Over It: Most Brides Wear White
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a close friend who is getting married, for the third time, later this year. In between her marriages, she has had lengthy relationships with other men.
I'm OK with all of that, except for one thing: She is treating this third marriage and its ceremony as if it's her first. She is planning on wearing a traditional white...Read more
Sick Guest Asked To Stay Home -- Does Not Take It Well
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had invited a group of friends and family to my home for Christmas dinner and a celebration: six adults and two young children.
The problem was with one guest, who had been bedridden with a severe flu the entire week leading up to Christmas. I kept in touch with this individual throughout her illness.
On Christmas Day, she...Read more
No Checkbook? There's Always Cash
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up in an era where it was customary to enclose a personal check in a greeting card as a gift. This worked for celebrations attended in person, and also when the card and gift were mailed.
Personal checks are being used less and less. I personally write maybe two or three per month.
My adult daughter just attended the ...Read more
The Rare 'please, Meddle In My Kitchen' Request
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm looking for your advice on how to handle a recurring issue: people taking advantage of my kindness and my cooking skills.
While I understand that not everyone is comfortable cooking, I believe they could still offer to help with other kitchen tasks. Unfortunately, some do nothing at all and simply enjoy the food I've ...Read more
'this Customer' Preferable To 'that Guy Over There'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 21 years old, and I have worked in assorted venues of customer service since I was 17. I am currently employed at a bank, and frequently a customer will ask a question to which I do not know the answer.
This requires me to leave the service area and ask my supervisor. Is it proper to say to my supervisor, "This lady (or ...Read more
Manners Should Come Before Efficiency
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was watching a soap opera and one of the characters, a very proper lady, answered her granddaughter's question with food in her mouth. She did tuck the food into her cheek, and kept her mouth as closed as possible.
I actually find that acceptable -- more so than making her granddaughter wait for a response while she chewed ...Read more
You Did Not Hear This From Miss Manners
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an older home with just one bathroom. I make sure that all personal products are off the counter when we have guests, but we've still had people snoop in the medicine cabinet and in the cupboard under the sink.
My teenaged nephew once commented loudly about finding laxatives in the medicine cabinet. Another time, he ...Read more
Relatives Won't Give Teasing A Rest
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to deal with those relatives who constantly tease you, make fun of you and remind you of the stupid, mean things you did when you were young?
Naturally enough, I avoid these relatives whenever possible. But there are inevitably two or three occasions every year when I am in their presence.
I have tried ...Read more
When The Quiet Car Isn't Quiet
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a long train journey to work each day, and I always gravitate towards the "quiet carriage." But invariably, there are some passengers who believe the rules have no application to them.
They believe that they, for no blindingly obvious reason, sit above and outside the rules. They carry on loud, pointless conversations ...Read more
Things That Shouldn't Have To Be Said
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the mother of a trans man who transitioned in his 30s. When people I haven't seen for a while ask about my daughter, I of course tell them that he is now a man.
I've been asked what surgeries he has had, and several people have even asked me if he has a penis! I was so surprised the first time this happened that I was ...Read more
'come To Our Party, But Leave Your Opinions At Home'
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner and I like to entertain, and we have the means to do so regularly. We often invite neighbors over, but we omit one specific neighbor (whom we see regularly) because he is very vocal about his political opinions. We try our best to keep our social events lighthearted and fun.
I feel bad that we haven't invited this ...Read more
Wedding Invitation Might Be An Olive Branch
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My siblings and I (all of us in our 40s and 50s) have had a strained relationship over the past few years, for various reasons. Last year, my youngest sister told us all via email that she would still make an effort to come to family gatherings, but that we would not see her son or her husband.
Shortly after that, she asked ...Read more