ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Will you please address car passenger etiquette -- more specifically, passengers placing their feet on the dashboard? My dilemma is whether it is disgusting and unladylike, or a subliminal message implying some sort of positional engagement readiness.

GENTLE READER: Huh? Is this person expecting an engagement toe ring?

If ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am allergic to all dairy products, so I must be careful to avoid consuming any foods containing milk, cream, butter or cheese.

Because the presence of dairy is not always obvious, I must often inquire about ingredients in a given dish when I am away from my own kitchen. I make these inquiries as gently and respectfully as I...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few days after I got my brand-new, light-colored couch, I had friends over with their new baby. When the dad started changing the baby's diaper directly on my new couch, I quickly offered to put a blanket down.

He glared at me like I'd insulted him, and they left soon after. Was I wrong to offer?

GENTLE READER: New parents...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am marrying a lovely man after three years of dating. He has one sister and one brother. I have two sisters. All of our siblings will be in our wedding party.

However, one person is being left out: My fiance's brother, Max, has a long-term girlfriend named Jenna. The two have been dating since high school and are coming up ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have vegan relatives, and when we go to their home, they prepare only vegan foods. If it is a three-day visit, we eat the same boring foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When they come to my home, I always provide vegan dishes. Shouldn't they provide non-vegan dishes for me, too? Or do I have to bring my own?

GENTLE ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I frequently host meals for 10 to 20 guests, both personally and professionally. We have a debate over whether to put out spoons for meals when we are not serving soup.

My spouse contends that spoons may be used for things other than soup (e.g. spreads, or the last bits of thin sauces). I prefer not to set out ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response to someone who is very vocal when you are driving, and not in a way that is helpful? For example, when I am driving us to a restaurant and we pull into the parking lot, they will tell me I could have used a closer entrance. (I may or may not have seen the other entrance, but either way, it really ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Fifteen minutes after arriving at an informal family get-together at someone's home, a relative took a phone call. She stepped out of the room where everyone was gathered and could be heard down the hall talking for the next 45 minutes.

This kind of thing seems to happen rather often. Am I alone in viewing it as inconsiderate...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in a small beach community. Five years ago, we met a lovely couple who have a vacation home across the street. We are all semi-retired. They are both gourmet chefs and entertainers, and invite us over about eight times a year.

It's always fun. They also invite other couples for dinner throughout the year on other ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In this modern age, many workers have the option of working from home at least part of the week. My husband is one of them.

Several years ago, he installed himself at the kitchen table, where, for years, I had done my own work (household bills, etc.). There wasn't so much as a "May I set up here?" or "Is this where you do ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, I developed a gluten intolerance. While I am blessed that it isn't full-blown celiac disease, I am unable to eat many everyday treats, such as the free donuts in the break room at work.

My co-workers have no issue with my not eating a donut; not only do I work with lovely people, but it is a small office and ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a longtime friend who seems to consider herself very well-mannered. She writes her thank-you notes on cards and mails them, while I send my thank-yous by email.

When I tell her she doesn't need to do a handwritten thank-you, she says, "My mother taught me to always do it that way." Of course, that makes me feel "less ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I appeared in a local theatrical production that was well-received. One of our performances was attended by my closest friend, who brought along his lovely wife and two wonderful children.

After my performance, my friend waited for me with his family to congratulate me and invite me to join them at a nearby ice cream shop. ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a text and pictures from a work friend (who I keep in touch with during my retirement) about her daughter, who had just given birth to a beautiful baby girl.

I was surprised, because my friend had not mentioned anything, and was just preparing my "congratulations" and some happy thoughts on her being a first-time ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When hosting a cocktail hour, how does the hostess gracefully navigate the quantity of food served? For example, if the cheese platter is reduced to a few bits, should the hostess be constantly monitoring and replenishing as necessary (even if the "hour" is approaching or has passed)?

I certainly don't want to appear stingy ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many times, I have experienced the situation where someone is completely blocking a store aisle with their shopping cart. They see me coming and either move their basket aside to let me pass or I have to say, "Excuse me," and then they move it.

Some people say "Sorry" for blocking me, but some mumble a sarcastic "You're ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my neighborhood, periodically, there are open houses. I like to go to them to see the layout of the houses and get decorating ideas.

I always tell the Realtor that I am a nosy neighbor and just curious about the house. I don't want the Realtor to waste time with me or walk me around. They always respond positively.

Is ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friends and I live in a retirement community that takes good care of us, in part by putting little levers near the tops of our apartment doors that our security personnel flip up at night. It is our responsibility to open the door when we arise, which allows the latches to flip down, indicating that we're up and probably ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I own a shop where I sell fine paper goods. After countless coffee spills and food stains on merchandise, I posted a "NO FOOD OR DRINK ALLOWED" sign next to the front door. People still walk in with greasy pizza slices, drippy ice cream cones and overflowing cups of coffee.

When I restate my policy and point to a tray where ...Read more

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the protocol in responding to a "joke" that is repeated ad nauseam?

I have a co-worker who says, each and every time she returns from the office restroom, "Gee, I forgot my coat and gloves!" or "I forgot to bring my parka!" or some other inane comment referencing the temperature of the bathroom.

Yes, it is cold in ...Read more