ArcaMax

Dear Annie: We have a home that's over 120 years old, and we've spent a lot of time and money maintaining it because we love it. We finally have it just the way we want, but it's becoming too much for us. After a lot of discussion, I finally convinced my husband to consider selling and moving, and he's on board. The problem, though, is with some of our family members.

We're thinking of moving an hour away to a small college town, where our youngest daughter and her family live. They have one child, and we'd love to be closer to at least one grandchild so we can be more involved in their life. This daughter and her family are wonderful; they help us, and we help them in return. It would be a joy to live closer to them.

However, some of our other children and relatives are making things difficult. Our oldest daughter, who lives in Texas with her two kids, tells us we shouldn't move because we'll miss out on our social life here. She even warned that we might never see her children again if we move.

Our son, who moves frequently, worries that he'll be financially responsible if we ever need care. He thinks we should stay put to avoid future complications. Then there's my sister and niece, who also seem to think they have a say and are discouraging us from moving.

We're in our mid-60s, my husband is still working, and we're in good health. All we want is to make a decision that feels right for us at this stage of life. Some of our friends and a few family members support our move, but all we really want is for everyone to be happy for us and support our choice. -- Two Against One

Dear Two: At the end of the day, the decision of where to move is yours and your husband's. Are your daughter's concerns about your social life valid? Perhaps the best solution is to rent out your current home and rent a house in the new area for a year. If, at the end of the year, you miss your old home, you can always move back. If not, then you'll know you've found your new home.

Try to not see it as two against one. That automatically places you in a victim mindset, which doesn't feel good for anyone involved. Instead, try viewing it as their way of showing care and wanting to protect both you and your husband, with the ultimate goal of seeing you happy.

========

"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.