Nearly all of my clients—probably 99%—express a desire for physical intimacy (which, for simplicity, we'll define as sex, however you define that) in their future relationships. For some, it has always been a top priority, while for others, it’s something they felt was lacking in a previous relationship, making it a key focus for the future.

If my clients are a reasonable reflection of the general population, which I believe they are, it’s safe to assume that most people value intimacy in a relationship. This is the baseline for most. (Of course, I want to acknowledge those on the asexual spectrum; this advice is specifically drawn from the experiences of my clients.)

Given that physical intimacy is generally a shared expectation, there’s no real need to explicitly state this in your online dating profile. While this advice applies to everyone, I’m particularly speaking to straight men.

Recently, I came across several profiles that stood out for all the wrong reasons:

“Single dad, serial adventurer, INTP, geeky & nerdy a-dork-able, goofy & funny, kind & caring. Able to balance the serious and driven with the fun side of life. Gold star hugger. Family oriented. Kink friendly. Non-vanilla.”

This one was great—until that last part.

“Cuter than baby Yoda. Manlier than Eddard Stark. Naughtier than Christian Grey.”

Again, a great profile, but it went downhill in the final line.

“I also love having great conversations about everything. Especially when we cook, dance, or go to the movies together. What am I looking for, you ask? I’m searching for the person who makes my toes curl!!!”

That last line brings a sexual connotation to mind.

The truth is, these men would have more success on mainstream dating apps like Bumble or Hinge (there are, of course, apps that focus more on physical relationships, like Feeld) if they simply removed any references to physical acts—no toes curling, no mentions of kissing, cuddling, body parts, kinks or dirty talk.

Here’s why: When someone gets to know you and likes you, they’re far more likely to be open to these aspects of a relationship. But bringing up sex or physicality before you’ve even met is a major turnoff for most people.

This same principle applies to shirtless selfies. Even if you’ve worked hard to get fit, women don’t want to see that before they’re ready. It’s too soon and feels off-putting. Sure, feel proud of your body and take selfies to track your progress, but keep those photos private, reserved for yourself or your friends.

For women, I also discourage mentioning physical intimacy in profiles, though for slightly different reasons. Often, when women write about touch or physical closeness, men may misinterpret their intentions. I want you to be seen for your whole self, not reduced to a perception that you're only interested in the physical aspect of a relationship.

Your dating profile shouldn’t read like a resume, but it also shouldn’t come across like a steamy romance novel. There’s a middle ground where you can focus on your passions, interests, hobbies and values. The purpose of a profile is simple: to prompt someone to message you or respond, with the goal of eventually meeting for a date. Once you’ve built a connection, there will be time to discuss your desires, including sexual ones. But until that relationship is established, it’s best to leave any mention of intimacy out of the profile—ironically, it’s the very thing that could block you from getting what you want.

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