Ask Amy: Anti-social son-in-law taxes family’s patience
– Curious
Dear Curious: I don’t think it is necessary for you (or me) to try to diagnose or assign a category to your son-in-law’s behavior in order to make peace with it. “Peace” (or acceptance) is a choice. You say you aren’t taking his behavior personally, but you seem to be doing just that.
It might help if you saw him as perhaps a shy or introverted person who doesn’t initiate or actively participate in conversations, but is possibly listening or witnessing the family dynamic in his own way when he is present.
You say that others have broached this issue with your stepdaughter, but it might be helpful if you spoke with her – or him – in order to make sure he is comfortable with you being a guest in their home. Ask for any suggestions for ways you might connect with him.
“Difficult” people lay down a challenge and test your tolerance, but also present an opportunity for you to grow. And if you can’t grow, you can at least tell yourself that in order to stay connected with your stepdaughter, you will need to detach from his behavior.
Dear Amy: About 20 years ago, I was at a dental appointment in a medical arts building.
My dentist, (like me, a female), asked if I had ever experienced sexual abuse during an exam from a doctor.
I said, "Yes, and it happened in this building.”
She asked if it was “Dr. So and So,” and I said yes.
She told me she’d had a similar experience with this doctor.
...continued
