Ask Amy: Friend considers apologizing for past mistakes
Dear Amy: Several years ago, I was involved in projects with a female friend (I’m a man).
I occasionally made jokes and said things that in retrospect I realize were inappropriate. She finally set me straight.
Then Covid and the MeToo movement hit, and I had time to revisit a number of things that at the time I felt were innocent remarks or actions, but were in fact wrong.
We have since become friends again, but I occasionally think that I’d like to apologize for every time I made her uncomfortable.
I know there are other men who have been even guiltier than I, but they have never apologized. Do I need to?
Would my apologizing now, years later, be just for my benefit – or would it be a kind gesture to a good friend?
– Conflicted
Dear Conflicted: Other people doing worse things than you have done should not enter into your equation. You cannot justify your own choices by finding negative examples to compare yourself to.
There is no downside for you to apologize to your friend for mistakes, “jokes” or comments you made years ago. She called you out at the time, and your friendship took a hit, but seems to have recovered.
Maya Angelou said it best: “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
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