ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I am a man in my mid-60’s, married for the past 35 years to my second wife.

We have two children, both grown and on their own.

We have been sleeping in separate bedrooms for years. She is an alcoholic and is often very nasty toward me. Life is miserable.

Prior to this marriage, I was married for two years to my childhood sweetheart and soul mate. We had what I thought was a wonderful marriage until one day she announced that she did not want to be married any more. She refused to tell me why or get counseling.

I was devastated. I tried for the next year to woo her back. I found out later she had been having an affair with a co-worker whom she eventually married.

My dilemma is that I cannot get my first wife out of my head or heart. We have not had any contact in more than 35 years, but she is always on my mind.

I know she felt that she made a big mistake by ending our marriage, but I don't know what to do about my feelings now.

I made vows that I plan to keep no matter how miserable I am, so I cannot leave my wife. I cannot go to counseling because I think it would break my wife's heart to know my feelings, and I have never spoken about this with anyone.

I had always envisioned living with my soul mate into our golden years with a long and happy marriage.

Now I will be spending my golden years with a bitter alcoholic with no chance for intimacy.

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