Playing Second Banana
It took me many years of schlepping bags of heavy groceries from the market to my house before I realized I was the only one in my neighborhood doing it. Most of the other suburban shoppers had already realized what Domino's Pizza learned years ago: If it can be delivered, deliver it.
Newly wise to the ways of grocery procurement, I downloaded an app that would allow me to pick out all my groceries online and then choose a delivery window for their arrival. I was thrilled to find I could get everything from kumquats to shish kebabs delivered that day, to my door, without me having to ever leave the house.
It seemed very straightforward, and as I checked off the various produce I wanted, I clicked on a picture of a bunch of bananas and selected the box for "1."
Two hours later, as I unpacked the groceries, I looked through the bags and found one banana.
One. Just one. One lone banana.
Shaking my head, I went back and checked my order. Next to the picture of a bunch of bananas, there was the number "1."
Annoyed that my order was incomplete, I called customer service.
"Hi, this is Tracy Beckerman. I just ordered groceries from you guys and I'm missing part of my order."
"What item is missing?" asked a woman with a cheerful voice.
"I ordered a bunch of bananas and I only got one."
"Just one banana?" she said.
"Yes, just one."
"OK, ma'am, let me check that order."
A moment went by, then she returned to the phone.
"You only ordered one banana, ma'am."
"No, I ordered a bunch of bananas," I protested.
"When you selected one, it was for one banana. Not one bunch of bananas," she explained slowly, as though I were somehow not only banana-challenged but a banana idiot as well.
"But there was a picture of a bunch of bananas," I said.
"Yes, that's to show you the bananas in their natural state."
"What is this, a National Geographic special?" I said. "It's misleading."
"Well, ma'am, we've never had any other complaints. Most people understand when they select one banana, they get one banana. Would you like to order more bananas?"
I made a face at the phone. I was pretty sure I had left my mortal existence and was trapped in some kind of banana purgatory.
"OK, fine," I said. "I want five more bananas." I wondered if I was indeed ordering five bananas or if she was mistaken and an entire banana tree was going to be delivered to my house.
"OK, you're all set," she said. "Is there anything else you'd like?"
"Yes. I'd like to order one grape," I said.
"You mean one bunch of grapes?"
"No. Just one grape," I said. "But please send it in its natural state."
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Tracy Beckerman is the author of the Amazon Bestseller, "Barking at the Moon: A Story of Life, Love, and Kibble," available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online! You can visit her at www.tracybeckerman.com.
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Copyright 2024 Creators Syndicate Inc.
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