ArcaMax

"I'll have the burger," my husband said to the server when she came to take our lunch order.

"Would you like a salad or fries with that?" she asked.

"Salad," he said definitively.

"No, fries," I corrected him.

"I don't want fries," he said.

"But I do, and my sandwich doesn't come with them," I explained.

He rolled his eyes and shrugged ...Read more

I have a talking dog.

We didn't know it when we got him, of course. He didn't reveal this talent to us right away. He would vocalize occasionally in dog-speak, but no one really had any idea what he was saying because he spoke in his language, and we spoke in ours, and there was no Rosetta Stone program for either of us. But then one morning ...Read more

"Hey, look at that," said my husband, staring out the window. "There are people doing yoga on the roof of that building." We were on the 20th floor of a building in New York City, having a romantic dinner at a chic restaurant known for its great food and beautiful views.

"What are they doing?" he wondered aloud. "Oh. Oh no!"

"What? What is ...Read more

"Hi! Would you like to try a delicious, gluten-free, dairy-free ravioli?" asked a woman standing behind a small table in the pasta section of the grocery store. The table was set with a dozen small cups that each contained one ravioli. She raised one of the cups and thrust it at me with a fork. The ravioli looked innocuous enough, and I had ...Read more

When I decided to color my hair, it was not because I suddenly had a desire to be a blonde bombshell or a foxy redhead. As a fifty-something-year-old, I would need more than a bottle of hair dye to transform into a bombshell or a fox. I suspect it would have taken full-body liposuction and a stupendously gifted fairy godmother. Fortunately, ...Read more

For all the obsessing I've done about my body parts, the one area that has always escaped the harsh glare of my overcritical eye is my feet. Certainly they are not perfect feet, and Manolo Blahnik would never beat down my door to have me model his shoes. But as feet go, they are fairly unassuming; I would even go so far as to say cute. I ...Read more

"When's dinner?" my husband asked me when he got home as I stood in the kitchen stirring a sauce.

"Pretty soon," I replied.

"Do you mind if I close my eyes for a minute?" he requested, putting down his bag and taking off his jacket.

I nodded. When most people say they're going to close their eyes for a minute, they actually mean more like ...Read more

My husband is a Honeycrisp snob.

If you're not familiar with this, Honeycrisp is a kind of apple, and according to him, it is a superior apple. All other apples are lesser apples. He will not eat a Fuji, Gala or Pink Lady. Only Honeycrisp will do. My son will also only eat Honeycrisp apples. So, I guess in this case, the apple really doesn't ...Read more

Not that I'm obsessive or anything, but years ago when my kids were little, I would carry entire kiddie wardrobes around with me so that when my kids got dirty, I could strip them down on the spot and change their clothes.

Of course, this started to become pretty embarrassing for the kids by the time they hit 20, so I stopped.

It also meant ...Read more

Recently I noticed that the shallow lines on my forehead had started to morph into wandering rivers. Since I wear my hair very short, there wasn't really any way to cover them up, and I complained to my husband that I was starting to look old.

"How old do you think you look?" he asked.

"Around 60," I replied.

"You are around 60," he said.

...Read more

At 1 a.m. on a Sunday, I woke up to hear the new robot vacuum vacuuming. The next night I heard it whirring around again at 1 a.m., then Tuesday it was the same thing.

"What the heck is going on with that thing?" asked my husband as we heard the vacuum banging on our bedroom door to get in.

"Obviously, it wants to clean in here," I said, ...Read more

Every year around this time, I get inundated with emails telling me about the latest fall trends and what I should buy and what I should toss. Having been down this wardrobe rabbit hole before, I didn't want to make a fall fashion faux pas, such as I did last year, when one trendsetting site told me the "it" shoe was a pointed witchy boot that...Read more

"Hey honey, I just found out I can make a meatloaf in the slow cooker," I told my husband.

"No offense," said my husband, "but we don't even really like the meatloaf you make the regular way."

I frowned. I couldn't be mad at him because I knew it was true. I did not have the greatest meatloaf reputation. When it came to making a dish as ...Read more