How To Give Vacation Recommendations

School is out, the children's brains have begun to gleefully rot and summer vacations are upon us. As I write to you, I am preparing for a glorious two weeks away, heading to Southern California for a classic Griswold family vacation.

I've been weighing the pros and cons of asking friends and acquaintances for restaurant and diversion suggestions for Los Angeles, San Diego and Palm Springs, and I can only come up with cons. Why wouldn't I want the recommendations of others, you wonder? Because travel recommendations are mad annoying.

That's right, I said it! Although I have asked for and given out plenty of travel tips, I must admit I find the whole process tiresome. Is this grumpy? Yes, this is grumpy. This is Ebeneezer Scrooge behavior, if Scrooge wore a chic coastal grandma Diane Keaton look by the pool.

I've devised a few rules of engagement for doling out vacation recommendations in an online space. Yes, I am giving unsolicited advice about giving unsolicited advice, and I've made my spiritual peace with that.

"Unsolicited" is the operative word. Is the person posting about their travels asking for recommendations or simply sharing that they are somewhere new? There's a key difference here, one that is often overlooked. Almost always, if I indicate my presence in a new city, people in the comments will start heaping on advice. "YOU GOTTA GO TO THE TIMES SQUARE APPLEBEE'S!" they will say (kidding, no one has ever said that, but you get the point).

Before you proceed, read the post carefully searching for a request. Is the answer yes? Do they want help? Read on for more tips!

Is the answer no? Best to abstain. For all you know, this could be the traveler's 14th time in Las Vegas, and it's likely they already know about buffets. Or they could have a full itinerary of business obligations. Or they could be traveling with $3 and planning to hustle their way into Circus Circus for one haunted night. You just don't know, but if they wanted your advice, they would have asked.

Chances are, you are just itching to share the fact that you also traveled to said location, and that's great! That's a healthy response! That fosters a sense of belonging and community! Try something like, "Las Vegas is so fun, I really enjoyed my time there," and not, "YOU GOTTA TRY THE STICKY RIBS AT THE LUXOR." No, no, I don't gotta.

You've solidified that the traveler does, indeed, want suggestions. Now's your time to shine.

First, though, get specifics. "Restaurant" could entail anything from In-N-Out Burger to $400 Omakase. "Stuff do to" could mean "roller coasters" or "rob a chain of laundromats."

Here are keywords to try: vegan, gluten-free, tacos, white tablecloth, steak, fear of heights, heart murmur, social anxiety, sleeping, 34 felony counts, dogs, chocolate, peanut butter, brutalist architecture, organic food, winery, illegal drugs, legal drugs, Instagram photos, boats, zines, hiking, weak ankles, museum gift shop and/or egg allergy.

Now that we've narrowed down the field, the advice may commence. The way to stand out as a truly superior purveyor of fine recommendations is to name things that one simply cannot find on an Eater list. If you give me a note with 10 places called, you know, Toe and Nail, or Pat's House of Shrimp or Stuffy McGuffies, it's all going to run together into an amorphous blob of filament lightbulbs and reclaimed wood, leaving me disengaged and patronizing the Times Square Applebee's instead.

Give me your top two or three greatest hits and tell me why. Tell me they serve spaghetti inside a hollowed wheel of cheese while singing strictly Puccini arias. Tell me cheeseburgers are free from midnight to 12:23 a.m. through the third side door. Tell me Ed Sheeran secretly works behind the bar making a killer kiwi daquiri. Thrillist could never, but you? With these simple tips, you can.

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Stephanie Hayes is a columnist at the Tampa Bay Times in Florida. Follow her at @stephhayes on Twitter or @stephrhayes on Instagram.

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