His mother was now living in Miami Beach and the young man didn't see her that often. His father was no longer around and he was worried that Mom was lonely. For her birthday, he purchased a rare parrot, trained to speak...Read More

Judi was sitting at the defendant table while the state trooper was being cross-examined on the witness stand.

The lawyer asked, "When you stopped Judi, were your red and blue lights flashing?"

"Yes, sir, they were."

"...Read More

Osama bin Laden goes to a psychic who says "You will die on an American holiday" Needless to say bin Laden is shocked.

"Which one?" he asks.

"Doesn't matter", says the psychic. "Whatever day you die will become an ...Read More

Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the ...Read More

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my...Read More

Seth Meyers takes a moment to self-reflect and forgive himself for some of his past mistakes, like not sticking to his diet and his unusually high credit card bill.