Work friends clash over pregnancy news
Dear Amy: I used to be very good friends with a colleague. We regularly socialized outside of work and I was a frequent guest in her home.
This all changed, however, when (in my supervisory role) I followed work protocol and notified our HR department that she was pregnant.
Even as other colleagues knew she was pregnant, my friend was furious that I informed HR. I don't think I did anything wrong, but to keep the peace, I apologized to her repeatedly and sincerely.
On the surface, she appeared to accept my apology, but her attitude toward our friendship changed overnight. All interactions outside of work came to an abrupt halt. I thought that she needed time to get over what she regarded as a betrayal, but after several months, this is the new norm.
She recently gave birth and invited me over to meet her new baby. My husband thinks that this is an opportunity to mend fences and has encouraged me to visit her.
Amy, I can't imagine doing this. I have been persona non grata at her house, and in her life, for several months now. The loss of our friendship has been incredibly painful, but I am slowly coming to terms with it.
If I could wave a magic wand and resume our friendship, I would. But because I no longer trust this person with my emotions, keeping my distance seems like the right course of action. Yet I worry that perhaps my husband is right. What do you think I should do?
-- Upset
Dear Upset: I don't know the specific rules of your company, but it seems strange for you to go to HR with the news of a colleague's pregnancy. HR should be notified, of course, but (because you are her supervisor), you should have directed the co-worker to go to HR herself, promptly, once her pregnancy became common knowledge in the department. If she questioned HR's need to know, you could have reviewed with her the relevant rules. You did not do any of these things.
You violated your co-worker's privacy, as well as removing from her the important choice of exercising her own right to handle this according to her own judgment.
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