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Mother worries about daughter's taste in men

By Amy Dickinson, Tribune Content Agency on

Dear Amy: My daughter, who is 40, and her daughter, age 10, have been living with me for the past couple of years.

My daughter has a very good and demanding job, so I do all the cooking, shopping and housework, work at my granddaughter's school, etc. My daughter has ADHD and is very disorganized.

She has always had terrible taste in men. Despite being bright, beautiful and educated, she seems to choose men no one else would ever want.

A year ago she fell in love with a man who camps on a piece of property. He rarely bathes, his property is covered in trash and he grows pot on his land.

My daughter is planning on moving to this property when it is cleaned up. I am very concerned about the influence this will have on my granddaughter. She doesn't like this man, and has no desire to move there. Any thoughts on what I can do?

-- Concerned Mom

 

Dear Mom: You can't legally control your adult daughter's choices, and so your efforts should be geared toward your granddaughter's needs. Try not to panic, and try not to make any particular assumptions about what choice your daughter might make. Say to her, "You're an adult, and you're a parent. You must always put your daughter's needs first."

You might choose to consult with a lawyer specializing in custody issues and family law to see what you can do for your granddaughter, if your daughter makes the choice to move into a home that is patently unfit for her. Always advocate for your granddaughter.

Dear Amy: We plan to host a neighborhood drop in. Two of the couples we want to invite despise each other, the husbands having almost come to blows once in the past. We like these couples and want to include both, but do not want to play the role of referee at our party. Any ideas? -- In the Middle

Dear in the Middle: You should tell both couples that you have an open household and that you will not choose between them, and that you will not let their challenges reconfigure your open hospitality. They may each independently choose to stay away, or one couple may leave if they see the other couple there.

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