ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My nephew and his wife recently had their first baby. We live in the same city, and are close. The day the baby was born, doctors thought she might be seriously ill. Tests revealed that she was fine.

The new parents only allowed grandparents to go meet her in the hospital.

My nephew texted me a few weeks later to tell me that I was permitted to meet the baby, but that the pediatrician said that the baby shouldn't be around children, so my kids, ages 11 and 9, were not allowed to come over for at least two months.

I said I wouldn't meet the baby until my children could. I was upset at the exclusion.

I understand wanting to protect a child, but there are photos at my mom's house with many different people holding the baby for her one-month birthday. She is now three months old. I realize this is not the baby's fault. It might be mine, for not going to meet her, but my kids were hurt and I was angry.

How can I gracefully respond to my nephew when I do meet his baby?

-- Upset Aunt

Dear Aunt: First-time parents are often nervous about exposing their baby to the world. The family had an early health scare, and now they are doing what they think is best for their baby.

You should be tolerant. They're figuring things out. They might be overprotective, but they are the parents and you should respect their role.

If the message in the early weeks was that your children should not meet the baby, you should have dealt with your kids' disappointment like a good parent does -- encouraging your kids to handle this temporary moratorium in a mature fashion. Instead you joined them, and now you're all sulking.

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