ArcaMax

Dear Amy: My middle-school daughter recently came out to our family; we are all very supportive of her. She has a girlfriend the same age, and the girlfriend's family does not know of their daughter's sexuality.

The girls want to have a sleepover to celebrate a birthday, and I am inclined to say no to this.

I wouldn't let any of my other children have a boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over at this age. The girlfriend's parents may question why, but I feel it is not my place to tell them.

If I allow the sleepover, and the parents later find out that I knew the situation, there could be fallout.

-- Worried Mother

Dear Worried: I agree that you should not permit this sleepover. I also wonder if middle school is a little early to be having a parent-sanctioned romantic relationship.

If your daughter is in middle school, I take it that she is in sixth, seventh or eighth grade. Aside from having crushes, did your other children have boyfriends/girlfriends at that age? This is the first issue I would clear up with her. And yes -- I agree with your logic that romantic couples don't have sleepovers in your house.

It is not up to you to out this other girl to her parents. However, you should encourage her to be open, if it is safe for her to do so. She may be less sure of her sexuality than your daughter is, and you should not push her, or do this for her.

I applaud your supportive attitude toward your daughter. But it is as important for you to discuss relationships, dating and sexual behavior with her as it would be with any other child her age.

Dear Amy: I am 14 years old and currently on an exchange student program in Italy.

...continued