Girlfriend proposes proposal from commitment-phobe
Dear Amy: My guy is 28. I am 30. We started dating four years ago. He has commitment issues. He refused to refer to me as his girlfriend for two years. I finally got him to call me his girlfriend after I broke down after his graduation ceremony, where he kept referring to me as his "friend." After that, we finally were an "official" couple and shortly thereafter, he told me he loved me.
We are living together now. Next month he will be moving out of state to take a one-year job. He has another job lined up back home after his term is up, so he has to move back here a year from now. I will stay locally.
We plan on seeing each other during this year because his job is just a 90-minute plane ride away.
About midway through his term, we will have been together for five years and, honestly, I am getting frustrated with the slow progress of this relationship.
He wants us to move in together again when he gets back, but I proposed (no pun intended) that we live separately until we are engaged.
Ideally, I want him to propose before his term is up so we can resume living together immediately when he gets back, but he said he won't be ready by then.
He partly uses the uncertainty of his professional career as a reason for why he is not ready.
He says I am being unreasonable for not living with him again until he proposes, but I don't think that's too unreasonable given what we've been through (he cheated on me once when we were exclusive and twice before that).
I want a proposal as a sign that he is taking this relationship as seriously as I am.
I've told him that I don't want an expensive ring or wedding. I've invested four years in this guy, and he says he wants a family with me, but I don't know if I have the patience to wait for him any longer. If he moves back and has not proposed yet, I can't see myself staying with him for any longer than a year. Is that unreasonable? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
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