Nasty remark has long legs at work
DEAR AMY: I made a nasty remark to a co-worker two years ago and have since tried to make amends. Unfortunately, my co-worker will have no part of it.
I've tried complimenting him on tasks that he's done at work, only to be met with an icy stare. Sometimes he ignores me.
When there are extra things to be done, he will never ask me to do them -- and I would gladly volunteer for these tasks.
I have seen several other staff members with him and then they start to ignore me, so I know he's influencing them in some way.
I don't need him to like me, but I just want a better work environment. What can I do differently to change his attitude toward me? -- Sign Me Bewildered
DEAR BEWILDERED: You could start by apologizing, and see how that goes over.
I couldn't help but notice that in your recitation of all of your attempts to make amends to your co-worker -- all in the name of inspiring him to get over the nasty remark you made -- you don't mention admitting to what you did, apologizing for it and asking him to forgive you.
Because you are not quite brave enough to face this directly, you are sweeping up around the edges. All of your efforts to be a goody-goody will come off as a transparent attempt at manipulation until you admit what you did and apologize for it.
Here's how: You say, "John, I know a lot of time has gone by, but I realize I never apologized to you personally and directly for the nasty thing I said. I feel terrible about my behavior. I hope you will forgive me."
If this dynamic continues to affect your work negatively, you should see your supervisor and/or HR representative for mediation to help set this right.
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